.Sunday, September 17, 2006 ' 6:15 PM Y
Surprise to see me blogging at this hr? I juz got home and wasnt tired at all.. so I decided to blog.. too many things happening these days, afraid that I wud forgot certain stuffs.
*Just a warning to u guys, i will be a very long entry.. Sorry to make u guys Zz.. >.<*
I shall start with my bonding camp on 13 sept to 15 sept ba..
1st DayMeet up with Jian Zhou, Dickson and mabia at the platform. Surprisingly, I was the one who was late.. Reason was, I was meeting him to pass him my laptop. We were late to meet Yan ping and the rest who were waiting @ punggol's control station.
Btw, our camp was at Punggol Point Holiday Camp. It was kinda 'wulu' as we travelled down the long stretch of road in the taxi.
When everyone had arrived and tat serve Thailand mates had gone, we had to check in and settle down. We had our lunch prepared by our own..
But for me, Yan ping prepared. Thanks Ping Da Jie! (:
After lunch, we had bonding game organised by Ginni. It was very interesting and everyone enjoyed themselves.
After which, we had discussions abt service learning..
Rest of the time was preparing for the actual trip stuffs.. I was kinda bz throughout, preparing logistics stuffs.
I really have to thank Ginni alot. Without her help, I would have no idea how things should go about. She's really a great partner of mine.
2nd DayWoke up @ 5 plus near 6am for breakfast. After which all of us headed to Punggol jetty to do self reflection. But of cuz, we packed our breakfast there and we munch there while watching the sunrise..
*Magnificant scenery!*
After tat we played 'Minority & Majority'. Its actually a role play game. We definitely had fun.
We had logistics presentation after tat.. We managed to do up everything by the night. It wasnt tat well but we had a rough idea of how it wud be. Thanks Mildred for helping out for the housekeeping and Yan Ping volunteering to help out the logs.
After tat we had dance practice. It was for selected peeps as we need to preview it to our VIPs @ night. It was kinda frustrating as they weren't confirm with the dance steps and had to wait.
Before the start of the BBQ, we had a talk by Ms Marilyn regarding Cambodia and also the First Aid talk.
During the BBQ session, I didn't had time to take a break and eat as I was bz with my logs with Ginni. Alot of doubts and qns.
When the BBQ ended, we had talks regarding Cambodia again. The info they provided do really help alot but of cuz, it added the work load for logs.
Everything ended at ard 12mn, including the housekeeping duties. We had sharing of our life journey. It was very interesting where we get to know each other deeper. Some cried. Some laugh.
Thinking back of the sharing we had, I got kinda emotional now. Ok, im crazy.
The day end at ard 2 plus. Me and ginni decided not to slp to get our work done asap. We had supper together and had light chats tgt with ms chew and some others..
3rd DayThey went to bed at ard 4 plus. Me and ginni cleared the food on the table b4 we concentrate on our work. By 6am I cud nt keep my eyes open so I went for a nap and woke up at 7am.
This is when my nightmare comes..
My results..
I went to check my result and Yan ping was with me.
I fail my core module, INFA.
Kinda depressing eh..
I had no idea how I shud react in the first place. Or how I shud react in the first place..
The thought of breaking down was the 1st thought.
I actually had my left eye bag 'twitching' since the start of the camp... Seems like it signify bad news.
I sms-ed Huijun immediately. Congratz to her.. she pass all mods.
The thought of repeating the same mod.. the thought of not being in the same class for some mods.. The thought of blaming myself for not studying hard.. the guiltness, the sadness..
It was so difficult..
putting a fake mask..
smiling to ppl..
telling them im fine..
telling them everything is ok..
pretending tat it was nothing when ppl still complain abt their results when he got 3 ADs.. I feel like slapping the person!
*Human simply cant be content with what they have*
I nearly cried when I told Jian Zhou about it.. But I control myself..
Why shud I cry?
When I deserved such a consequences..
Ok, back to the camp. We packed up and gathered at the hall for debrief. After the debrief we had to distribute Vitamin C which were meant for the kids @ Cambodia. We also distribute what was left over for the camp by drawing lots if no one volunteer.. We cleared the stuffs quickly b4 we disclosed our angel..
We exchanged gifts and we had our last game b4 we left.. We collect our clothes and went back to sch with Dickson, Jian Zhou and Mr Ng as we need to unload stuffs tat to be packed for Cambodia and also IT stuffs tat were to be return.
Mr Ng drove us back. Me and Jian Zhou alighted at Lot 1 and headed to Mac for lunch together with my dear. After lunch headed back to his hse.. I slept all the way till ard 8 plus. Skipped my dinner. Slept quite late in the night cuz I was watching Goong, a korean drama.
Had chats with my classmates. Thanks for showing the concern. Really appreaciate it. (:
Wei Jun, I will appeal but whether it will be a success or nt.. I'm not sure.. But at least give it a try right?
Thanks Chun Hui.. for ur encouraging words..
My dear dear Kuku Jun! Thanks too.. Was kinda bz these days and stress with stuffs tat I din have time for u guys.. But really wanna thank u for being here with me when I'm down. (:
Not forgetting Ivy, Pek Ha, Garret and the rest.. Thanks peeps! (:
I'll stay strong! *Prays*
Yesterday, SatMeet him 1o at his place.. I was late as I was supposed to meet him at 9. =/ But anyway, we had our lunch together b4 we headed to town.
Recalling back, its really a long time we had a good meal together.
We went for a movie at PS, Little Man. It was very funny but I din laugh much as I has too much things on mind..
Sorry my dear, but glad to see u having a great time. (:
After movie, we went for a walk for awhile b4 meeting Yan Ping and Ginni to check out the prices of the items tat we need at Cambodia, at Carrefour. After that we den headed to Army market.. and had our dinner there..
At ard 9pm, Yan ping and ginni went home and we walked to Bugis after tat.. We walked ard for awhile and went to play arcade until the arcade closes. He asked me to go over to his hse to stay but i refuses and this is when the quarrel starts..
I nv say a word to him during the quarrel and I juz kept walking.. and I was going in circles, ard SMU. Kinda dum actually..
We den took NR home.. Reached home at ard 2 plus.. Nt tired at all..
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Friends, relationships, academic, commitments.
So many things happening at one go really stresses me out.
My relationship is now like the tides.. High and low. I'm the selfish one. Always putting friends in the 1st position. I'm the stubborn one. Always wanting things my own way.. I'm so sick and tired of it when the moment he start talking abt friends..
I feel pressurized..
Sometimes I juz wanna to zip his mouth from all the talkings.
Anyway, all the things started from me.. So its my fault. And it will always be my fault..
Failing my core mod during my 1st half sem. What do I have to say? No point blaming myself anymore..
This is juz the consequence of not putting 100% effort in..
This is juz the consequence of having to think of playing all the time..
All I have is the guiltness..
All I can do now is being optimistic... Telling myself I will do better and learn from my lessons.. Take it as a good revision..
But I sounded like im lying to myself.. Oh freaks~
The serve trip do really keeps me bz. My tight schedule is also one of the root to my quarrels with him. Logistics simply have to many things to do..
To me, Logistics = Sai Kang
So many things to prepare.. packing list.. budget.. things to buy.. program.. except for housekeeping..
Imagine only me and ginni doing..
Wow wow.. We are goddess.. Duh!
There are simply still so many things to do even until the actual trip.. and still had to worry if the proposed program wud work out..
who will be so damn kind to actually volunteer besides Yan Ping?
In my mind.. these things keep occuring..
Logistics
Academic
Relationship
Friends
All I could hope for now is things turning out to be better..
Sorry for my long entry.. kinda borring right? Sry~
HER LOVES